Your Wonderwall

Have you ever found yourself thinking about someone too much? although you don't know each other that long or very well. Have you ever experienced liking someone and you know to yourself you both don't have a chance, because it's impossible to happen, and you get this shitty weird feeling that is somehow close to heartbreak that is so hard to explain and just making you nuts before you sleep? I did. There are people who will walk into your life and make you think, "maybe he/she is the one?" those "almost" and "maybe" people you'll meet along the way to your "the one". It's a very complicated thing, only time will tell.

I call him my "wonderwall" he is always present in my imaginative pictures of my future.A wonderwall is someone you are totally infatuated with, a person with an incredible aura that makes them somehow perfect and someone you think can save you from the unhappiness or impossible-to-explain feeling  you're actually feeling. Someone who you think can complete you.

Wonderwall is just a term, maybe that person is really the one or maybe not, we wouldn't know unless something happens. If you feel he or she is really something and keeps sweeping you off your feet, why not take a risk of finding out? if you think it won't work out, then keep moving forward. Remember it's better to take a chance and try than to regret for not trying at all. But if you KNOW it's really out of your league and unreachable and is perfectly clear that it will only leave you down in the dumps, then why not go for something more realistic. It all depends on the situation.

I have this person, we are friends, but he doesn't notice me, he doesn't notice my massive crush feelings for him (which is a good thing?) he's too high, he's so well kept, he's so close hearted, he's out of my league, he's very shy, he's so difficult to read, maybe he's gay? gosh no. But he's so cute, he's so adorable :( but.. *sigh* forget it.

Some things i would do for and to my future partner (TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST)

I'm definitely not the most perfect woman ever but i'll do my all to be the best woman for you and to you alone. Not over, not under, not too much, not too little just the right piece for you. So listen up closely.

I'll cook for you.
I know every cheesy girl would say this, i know, i know. Usual shits like this. I'll cook for you even if the only thing i'm best at cooking is breakfast, i make killer breakfast FYI (Omelettes, Garlic rice, Pancakes, etc.) i love making breakfast because for me it's the best time of the day and i want to be the first one to brighten up your day with a nice breakfast and good ol' morning kiss. But if you want a lunch or dinner, i can cook some for you too, hehe.

On our lazy days..
I'd cuddle with you all morning. Kiss and bite and hug each other until we're tired and when we are, i'll sleep on your chest and we would leave the bed at 12pm and have a brunch.We could stay inside our room and get snacks and watch stupid movies together and talk about stupid and nonsense stuffs. That simple lethargic things would already make me love you more.

I may ignore and be cold at you at some days....
But that doesn't mean i don't love you anymore, us girls really have these kinds of mood swings. So please understand :( and don't start throwing nasty words and ridiculous questions like "wtf did i do wrong this time or do you still love me? or are you already inlove with somebody else or am i boring you already or worst, do you want to break up with me?" Just ask me what's wrong. I'm not that kind of girl who would twist the guy's mind (pakipot in short) I'll be very straightforward and honest with you, trust me. So if i say that you did nothing wrong or if you think you did nothing wrong, don't f**king over think and start ruining both of our days.  (Trick: surprise us with our favorite food and desserts and play our favorite music while eating. works like a charm)

I'll make you jealous.
I'll make you jealous HAHA just because guys are so freaking cute when they're jealous, they go in the corner and stay there in silent mode and sometimes they ask questions like they're investigating something (like it's not obvious) so please be jealous HAHA because i'm doing it on purpose and that doesn't mean that i don't love you. TBH, i would come up to you and hug you very very tight and i'll tell you that you're my only one ;) i just wanna feel that i'm your weakness and there's nothing sweeter than that, i'm sorry in advance :(

I'll be your third shoulder to lean and to cry on.
Whenever you're feeling down, useless and ugly. In our future relationship, there will be ups and downs, but let's be strong for each other. i will never give up on you as long as you're never giving up on me. Whatever is the reason, work, money, family or even us, i'll always be your counselor and bestfriend. I will hug your waist and remind the reason why i fell inlove with you. I just wish my words and actions would be enough to make you feel better.

I'll let you get wasted with your friends.
But please, pretty please don't f**king sleep with another woman.There will be a freaking war if you ever did.

I will  never call you my boyfriend.
I prefer calling you "my partner in crime" "my other half" "my life" "my lover" "my personal koala bear"

I'll take care of you sick or not.
do i even have to explain?

I will give you the space you need
Just tell me, don't make a fool out of me. If you have urge to be alone for sometime, i will let you. Just remember. I will never give up on you AS LONG AS you're not giving up on me. A plate of brownies will be waiting for you when you're feeling much better.

When we're miles away...
I'll write you cheesy and mean letters just to remind you that the love of your life is still here for you, on post-its and stationary scented papers. Nothing beats the classic form of communication.

I'll support you.
Your dreams, visions and goals. I'll be here through every failure and success.

It'll take me pages, to let you know the things i'll willingly do for you and to you.
Be with me already.

Down in the Dumps..

I don't know why, but the past few days has been a huge downfall for me, and i don't have any idea why. I get so angry for no reasons at all, some times when i wake up and i see my brother and i yell at him and my whole day would be ruin. Sometimes i'd sleep a lot and curse a lot.Sometimes i hate it when people talk to me and ask me about some things, sometimes i would judge everyone i see, and sometimes i just want to be alone. Sometimes i'd be so happy that i could just hug everyone in my house and sometimes i despise them all.Sometimes i'm so irritated at what my dogs do, that i could just kick them ( but i won't because i love them, and i hate people who abuses animals) And sometimes i don't want to be near my brothers cause i could punch them in the face (i won't because i love them too) sometimes i despise everyone on my facebook account and also my friends (sorry, i still love you guys) Sometimes i think i could be the most violent teenager and sometimes i would be the most perfect girl ever. I'm really unpredictable, and i have no single idea why these things happen to me. They say that this is signs of "Depression" but whyy?? there's nothing to be depressed about or there is? i don't know but i really want to find out.

Am i really depressed? im not so sure myself at all. Maybe i'm just not noticing my problem hard enough.... or am i missing something? i don't know, but i do feel alone these days.. i just want someone to come up to me and tell me how much they cherish me. I'm a really demanding person, hello, i'm a girl after all.. I'm considering this depress thingy, we might not know.. or maybe... i'm pms-ing?? (it can't be.)

I Need what i Want and i Want what i Need

I don't like how people sometimes make their "wants" their top priority. ITS JUST WRONG. I've seen people who handle their responsibilities very badly that they almost forget about it and ends up upsetting everyone. And sometimes no matter how much you want to tell it to them, to remind them, you just can't because you know they'll misunderstand you. Responsibilities huh? Needs vs.Wants .. you'll never know which one will win.

I'm not desperate, I just want to be cute with someone. Part I

The title says it all. Everyone wants to love and be loved in return, Being loved is one of the most wonderful feelings ever. But if you are looking for love, have you ever considered praising and loving yourself? They say that if you don't have time to love yourself, because you think you're ugly, you think you're fat, you just think that you're not somebody's type, then you won't be able to love others and be loved in return. I'm a single lady myself, but i don't look for love, i just know it will come eventually, I have lots of crushes yes, i just don't rush love, because its not in the spotlight right now. I won't talk like i know everything about love, i'll just say everything I've seen about love, from everybody i meet, from everyone i know and from everything i see.

I know some people who asks me to help them find a partner. Why? and How can i help you find one? You are the only one who can find it, Love is not manufactured, and it is not suppose to be that way. Well, for starters, you are not suppose to find love, You just wait, But how would you know its already there? You won't know at all, you'll just find yourself in love with that someone. Love comes in the most unexpected ways, just like God. Being single is very nice actually, less expenses and less drama but somehow its also lonely because you miss that feeling of being cute and sweet with someone. There are some reasons why people are single but it all depends on the situation. Some of them set standards, and they cling to it too much, that's why they don't notice the people around them anymore. Some people is still glued to their past and can't move on. You know moving on is easy if you only accept what's in front of you. Don't be blinded by your sweet memories, You should know when he/she is pushing you away and when he/she is not. There is also people who is afraid of judgment and rejection. Being rejected is fine, that is how you'll know what to do on your next turn. And there is this people who just envy their taken friends......

Morning person, No.

               If what you think with your brain would be recorded the next day and gets written and publish automatically, For sure right now i have my own huge bookshelf here in my house. To be honest, i really can't sleep without imagining things like what will i be doing every morning when i wake up beside my husband, what will i be wearing the moment i get my own job, what will i do when one direction suddenly enters my room and kidnaps me, which is impossible. Just common things like that. Its crazy, when you are at rest at night your mind thinks of stuffs you should've thought earlier this morning, i don't know about the others, but that is what happens to me. I would lay down at 10pm at night and i think i'll actually sleep around 12 or 1. I'm just there at my bed, thinking about almost everything, and as far as i can remember, I've already made all sorts of stories on my head, romance, fantasy, action, even nasty stuffs. My mind works quite well. This is what they call Daydreaming and its not even day. And just like what i'm saying, right now its 3:50am and i am still awake blogging. Insomnia, cheers! I'm pretty sure i'll be terribly wasted the next morning. This is exactly the reason why i am not a morning person.